Just to avoid confusion, you read this poem right to left, not as two columns. It also might add a cool element to it if it could be read with two people. Again, please critique this. It's in an especially rough draft form.
Why Don’t You Cry?
Why don’t you cry, dear?
What do you mean, dear?
Just as I said.
Why don’t you cry?
I heard what you said.
And I think I cry.
No, you don’t cry.
Oh, I don’t, do I?
So why don’t you?
Oh, bother, why don’t you?
I do. You know I do.
I know. It’s true.
Did you ever?
Maybe. I can’t say I never.
Did it help, do you think?
Perhaps. I can’t think.
Does it help? When you cry?
It does. I wouldn’t lie.
But why should I?
You mean, why cry?
I’d feel so weak.
But you feel so bleak.
I don’t think I could do it.
There’s nothing much to it.
You just have to let go.
I won’t! I won’t do it!
Don’t talk like you know!
It’s all right, you know.
Why can’t you just go?
Go where?
I don’t care!
Just anywhere but here!
There. There’s a tear.
This poem exemplifies struggle in a very unique way- a conversation. I almost see it as an internal dialogue, as it seems to be an internal struggle to me. One of my suggestions would be to tell us more about why it helps to cry. I think this is an interesting area to explore, perhaps. I love the elements you've got going on in this poem. Nice work.
ReplyDeleteOoh! I love this! Especially as a female for whom crying is a pretty much all-purpose emotional release.
ReplyDeleteI can see it as an internal dialogue, but it could just as easily be a conversation between two people: a man and a woman or two friends.
I LOVE the rhyme scheme. Normally rhyming something with the same word really bothers me, but in this case I like it.
And the layout of the poem is very unique, interesting, and eye-catching. Like a ping-pong match in a way, with the back-and-forth. It helps emphasize the conversational quality of the poem.
Well done!